Saturday, January 13, 2007

Long Suffering

"When God sends you tribulations, he expects you to tribulate!" -Mother Angelica

This virtue is probably the most unpopular, right next to "humility". But long-suffering is so unbelievably joyful while at the same time arduous and even sometimes depressing. Right now my living situation is not the ideal. At times I feel like I'm going nowhere with life. But I was compelled, I believe, to come back here to my little town.

For one thing, I was taken out of the business of the suburbs of Philadelphia. Removed from the fast pace and nastiness that every day life brings, I have been able to focus more on things that matter. I was a right mess in Philly in many ways. And although I enjoyed my time with friends (perhaps a bit too much) down there, I'll never move back lest the Spirit move me to do so. I enjoy visiting them but "that's all she wrote" on that one.

Living in NEPA is no picnic however. I have few friends left up here and those I have are either too busy or hermits themselves to participate regularly in vita socialis. I have zero Catholic friends. I have Christian friends of various denominations though, for whom I am really thankful to have. Single, bored, incurably religious, and in the woods is a good way to describe most of my days. Sounds serene doesn't it? But for reasons beyond the scope of this blogosphere, both financial and familial, I am called to live this life for this time. And I owe a lot to it.

For one, I never would have discovered the Church if not for "the quiet". God took me out of a place where the world around me was so chaotic and yes, Godless, so that I might discover my path in life. Not the goal, but the path. I have no idea where I'm being led. I just keep walking and trusting that what I'm doing is 'correct'. For that I am literally, eternally grateful.

So for right now, I'm waiting. This waiting is a blessed trial. I'm waiting for Confirmation. I have an approximate date for it (end of Feb, start of March??) but nothing set in stone. I'm waiting for my destination - single? marriage? religious life?? musician?? web designer forever?!? (please God no) I do know for sure that what I'm doing right now is only a bridge to whatever is next, which is a glimmer of Hope.


cranky said...

Waiting is hard. I want an action plan immediately to put into place with assessment at one week intervals to determine whether progress is being made.

And if not, I might scuttle the query, and reallocate resources.

You can imagine what "waiting on the Lord" is like. Recently, I realized two times I totally missed Him. Did I mention my lack of patience with me? Grrrr.

Timothy said...

I was feeling just like you were when I was back to overnights in Allentown. I was so burnt out. Living and working in a larger city can sometimes feel Godless. We longed for our family and friends up here, and once we found out Tracy was pregannt we just snaped and say "that's it, lets go home" because we wanted to raise our son around here, not down there in the living conditions we had.... nor could we afford anything better. We didn't have jobs, just faith God would show us the path. Soon after we moved home, we found a great place to live, Tracy found a great job, Garrett was born healthy, I found a great job soon after and we've been able to actually pay down our debt better, afford everything Garrett needs.. as he's watched in the daytime by his grammy's, not daycare... and live in a much more peaceful place. Scranton is more of a city, but it's still pretty quiet compared to Allentown. Glory be to God, because we prayed and he showed us the way.

"The whole truth is generally the ally of virtue; a half-truth is always the ally of some vice." - G.K. Chesterton